Birthday

This is probably the worst birthday I've had. It's not about the presents but about the circumstances around it. I was already dreading being another year older. When they say beauty is only skin deep, they are not kidding. Chinese also has a saying - Youth is the biggest asset. When you are young, you look good. A simple T-shirt with jeans and a bare face without make up. You look GOOD!

So many things have happened in the last couple of months that I was not in a mood for any celebration. I was never big on celebrating anyway, but Allen always had a way to make it very special. This year, today, the mood was very somber. I had requested that he didn't buy any presents for me, but he still brought home some flowers yesterday.

I awoke fairly early and Allen had already been up. I found him in the family room watching TV like he usually does. He gave me a good-morning kiss and said 'Happy Birthday Sweetie.' The next 1 1/2 hour went by with me on the computer looking at random thing while he continued to watch TV. I finally went back to our room. I need to be by myself. What I really needed was to cry.

Getting old really sucks. I hate my hair getting grayer and thinner by the day. I hate the lines forming around my eyes. I hate the double chin that's slowly showing up on every picture I take. I hate the extra 10 lbs that I can't get rid of even if I starve myself. Most of all, I hate all the brown spots on my face. I hate them so much that I wish I could just skin a layer of my face off!

It didn't help to find out that Allen really hadn't planned on anything other than taking me out to lunch and dinner. His lack of thoughts and planning really intensified my already weakened emotions. Buying present is actually an easier route than planning something special without spending too much money. A nice stroll by the pier or sight-seeing somewhere would have been nice. I would have liked to get away for an afternoon with him just to spend some quality time.

He tried to make it up but the emergency plan didn't work out too well. It's now almost midnight. My birthday is almost over. And if you're going to ask me how old I am not. DON'T!

Next Steps

Economy is bad, people are losing their jobs. Fired or laid-off, really, does it matter which it is? The bottom line is you don't have a job you can bitch about everyday now. Oh, and why does bad thing always seem to happen in my birthday month?

A friend of mine said 'At least one of you still has a job.' I said "I can't imagine if both of us are laid off. I'd be so depressed that I'd probably kill myself." She said "Depressed? You seem like such an upbeat person." Yeah, I have a tendency to put up a sunny freckled (literally brown-spotty) face. Stay positive, I keep telling myself.

We had great hopes that something was going to pan out last week. Unfortunately our prayers weren't answered. "I'm sorry!" he said. My heart ached. I didn't know what to say. "It's OK." was really not OK. All I could utter was "I'm sorry, too." I really am not very good at comforting him. He's always been the one I look to for comfort.

We'll get through this. We just need to plan our next steps and move forward with them.

A Blog Is Born!

I did it! Now I can start wumbling........., I mean rumbling. And if you are reading this, you know you're in trouble because there are more important things than reading my good-for-nothing blog. Unless, of course, you love me that much.

Thanks for stopping by!