Seattle

I don't like weddings. I think it's because of my own failed marriage that I just don't think it works, so why bother. However, when I do attend a wedding and feel the love and happiness from the soon to be Mr. and Mrs., it takes me back to Fatasyland all over again. For the next few hours, I actually believe in happily ever-after.

Yolanda and Mike's wedding was very simple and casual. It was truly a celebration of love.

The ceremony was very short and sweet. The rest of the night was just one big feast and party. Food was great, the open bar was greater. Everyone just let loose and dance their hearts out. They were very considerate and rented a bus to shuttle people so they wouldn't have to worry about driving home drunk.

I've been to Seattle a few times before but have not seen Mt. Rainier so close and so pretty. The weather was cool and crisp. I love how green Seattle is.

Allen had the pleasure of photographing the wedding. Some of the images are here at www.altphotoimpages.com He really captured the spirits of the weddings and brought the wedding back to live again.

It was also great that he got to see all of his family, some of whom he hasn't seen in many years. It was almost like a family reunion. We stayed at his mom and step-dad's and they were wonderful hosts. I am glad he went home. And I am glad he took me with him.

Cyber friends

We used to call everyone we know or know of 'friend' when we were much younger. And we really did treat him/her as a friend - no pretense no "What's in it for me?" mentality. Friendship was pure and simple. We said what was in our minds and fought fair and square. No one held grudges, BFF was BFF the next day again.

Some of my closest friends were made in my younger years. I met Jamie and SJ in 7th grade. Although I hadn't seen or talked to Jamie in almost 15 years, when I saw her again in Taiwan last summer, we talked all day and all night. For 14 hours, we caught up the last 15 years, and I felt just as close to her as if I've never left Taiwan.

I met Anne during my freshman year at UCLA. She and I couldn't be more different. She is 5'10" and I am only 5'2". She is very outgoing and I am a loner. Somehow we hit it off right away when she asked what my name was and where I was from. 30 years later, she is still the one I call when I need a shoulder to cry on.

I made acquaintances very easily but few I call friends because I truly believe friends are to keep forever. Through the years, I have met many amazing people who have helped me grow both personally and professionally and lucky enough to be friends with.

Now we are in a new era where we meet people online and invite them to be our 'friends'. Social networking has never been greater and more powerful. But are these friends really 'friends'? Perhaps because I am still living in the innocent age of my past that I truly thought my friends on my 'friends list' are real friends, not just Cyber Friends. After all, there are only about a dozen of them on my MySpace or Facebook. I follow their daily activities, wish them 'Happy Birthday' on their birthdays, and give my regards when they get sick. It was quite disappointing that when my birthday rolled around, the 2 people who shared their birthdays around the same week that I had sent my birthday wishes to didn't bother to return the same wishes.

Yeah, they are just cyber friends. I need to remember that.

Birthday

This is probably the worst birthday I've had. It's not about the presents but about the circumstances around it. I was already dreading being another year older. When they say beauty is only skin deep, they are not kidding. Chinese also has a saying - Youth is the biggest asset. When you are young, you look good. A simple T-shirt with jeans and a bare face without make up. You look GOOD!

So many things have happened in the last couple of months that I was not in a mood for any celebration. I was never big on celebrating anyway, but Allen always had a way to make it very special. This year, today, the mood was very somber. I had requested that he didn't buy any presents for me, but he still brought home some flowers yesterday.

I awoke fairly early and Allen had already been up. I found him in the family room watching TV like he usually does. He gave me a good-morning kiss and said 'Happy Birthday Sweetie.' The next 1 1/2 hour went by with me on the computer looking at random thing while he continued to watch TV. I finally went back to our room. I need to be by myself. What I really needed was to cry.

Getting old really sucks. I hate my hair getting grayer and thinner by the day. I hate the lines forming around my eyes. I hate the double chin that's slowly showing up on every picture I take. I hate the extra 10 lbs that I can't get rid of even if I starve myself. Most of all, I hate all the brown spots on my face. I hate them so much that I wish I could just skin a layer of my face off!

It didn't help to find out that Allen really hadn't planned on anything other than taking me out to lunch and dinner. His lack of thoughts and planning really intensified my already weakened emotions. Buying present is actually an easier route than planning something special without spending too much money. A nice stroll by the pier or sight-seeing somewhere would have been nice. I would have liked to get away for an afternoon with him just to spend some quality time.

He tried to make it up but the emergency plan didn't work out too well. It's now almost midnight. My birthday is almost over. And if you're going to ask me how old I am not. DON'T!

Next Steps

Economy is bad, people are losing their jobs. Fired or laid-off, really, does it matter which it is? The bottom line is you don't have a job you can bitch about everyday now. Oh, and why does bad thing always seem to happen in my birthday month?

A friend of mine said 'At least one of you still has a job.' I said "I can't imagine if both of us are laid off. I'd be so depressed that I'd probably kill myself." She said "Depressed? You seem like such an upbeat person." Yeah, I have a tendency to put up a sunny freckled (literally brown-spotty) face. Stay positive, I keep telling myself.

We had great hopes that something was going to pan out last week. Unfortunately our prayers weren't answered. "I'm sorry!" he said. My heart ached. I didn't know what to say. "It's OK." was really not OK. All I could utter was "I'm sorry, too." I really am not very good at comforting him. He's always been the one I look to for comfort.

We'll get through this. We just need to plan our next steps and move forward with them.

A Blog Is Born!

I did it! Now I can start wumbling........., I mean rumbling. And if you are reading this, you know you're in trouble because there are more important things than reading my good-for-nothing blog. Unless, of course, you love me that much.

Thanks for stopping by!