Birthday

This is probably the worst birthday I've had. It's not about the presents but about the circumstances around it. I was already dreading being another year older. When they say beauty is only skin deep, they are not kidding. Chinese also has a saying - Youth is the biggest asset. When you are young, you look good. A simple T-shirt with jeans and a bare face without make up. You look GOOD!

So many things have happened in the last couple of months that I was not in a mood for any celebration. I was never big on celebrating anyway, but Allen always had a way to make it very special. This year, today, the mood was very somber. I had requested that he didn't buy any presents for me, but he still brought home some flowers yesterday.

I awoke fairly early and Allen had already been up. I found him in the family room watching TV like he usually does. He gave me a good-morning kiss and said 'Happy Birthday Sweetie.' The next 1 1/2 hour went by with me on the computer looking at random thing while he continued to watch TV. I finally went back to our room. I need to be by myself. What I really needed was to cry.

Getting old really sucks. I hate my hair getting grayer and thinner by the day. I hate the lines forming around my eyes. I hate the double chin that's slowly showing up on every picture I take. I hate the extra 10 lbs that I can't get rid of even if I starve myself. Most of all, I hate all the brown spots on my face. I hate them so much that I wish I could just skin a layer of my face off!

It didn't help to find out that Allen really hadn't planned on anything other than taking me out to lunch and dinner. His lack of thoughts and planning really intensified my already weakened emotions. Buying present is actually an easier route than planning something special without spending too much money. A nice stroll by the pier or sight-seeing somewhere would have been nice. I would have liked to get away for an afternoon with him just to spend some quality time.

He tried to make it up but the emergency plan didn't work out too well. It's now almost midnight. My birthday is almost over. And if you're going to ask me how old I am not. DON'T!